Theresa’s New Cabinet The Full List

For a start, Theresa May’s closest aides Fiona Hill and Nick Timothy resigned after angry cabinet ministers said she must change the way she works or resign. Here is a list of all the cabinet positions for the Theresa Mays new omnishambles…


Liz Truss – Chief Secretary to the Treasury

The Justice Secretary has been demoted

The Justice Secretary has been demoted to Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

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It comes amid concern about her lack of legal training – a traditional requirement for the Justice Secretary job, which also comes with the title of Lord Chancellor.

Chief Secretary to the Treasury is not a full cabinet position.


Michael Gove – Environment Secretary

Brexit back-stabber Michael Gove was shockingly made Environment Secretary after spending nearly a year on the back-benches. With his lack of pro-enviromental views, it’s the equivelant of putting Harold Shipman in charge of the National Health Service.

The former justice and education secretary was sacked in disgrace last year after he knifed Boris Johnson in the back during the Tory leadership race to replace David Cameron.

He now replaces Andrea Leadsom as Environment Secretary, while she will become Leader of the House of Commons.

Damian Green – Cabinet Office Minister and First Secretary of State

Mr Green was previously Work and Pensions Secretary and will now head up the Cabinet Office. Mr Green was a key ally of Mrs May when she was Home Secretary which we assume is going to lighten the load for may as she tries to use recent events to push through her big brother agenda and deprive UK citizens of their fundamental human rights.


David Gauke – Work and Pensions Secretary

Mr Gauke will take Damien Green’s old job at the Department for Work and Pensions, having previously been Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

This is a step up for a man who previously attended cabinet but did not hold a full cabinet position. In his time as chief secretary, he only assisted in doubling the national debt so we are assuming he will fail upwards at the same rate while helping to destroy the lives of benefits claimants in the UK. Pulling out of the European Convention on Human Rights should assist him in this.


David Lidington – Justice Secretary and Lord Chancellor

David Lidington

Mr Lidington was made Leader of the House of Commons last July by Mrs May and is Justice Secretary from today.

He shot to prominence last December when he stood in for Mrs May at Prime Minister’s Questions.

Like Liz Truss, whom he replaces as Justice Secretary, he has no legal background – a traditional requirement for the job. So roughly translated there is a justice secratary who has no real knowledge of the law, not a great concern for the conservatives considering they like to ignore it most of the time and twist it the rest of the time. At least if the s**t hits the fan he can plead ignorance.

Moving sideways

Andrea Leadsom – Leader of the House of Commons

Brexiteer Mrs Leadsom, who fought Theresa May for the Tory leadership last year before pulling out, was Environment Secretary but she will now become Leader of the House of Commons.

Mrs Leadsom withdrew from the Tory leadership race after appearing to suggest that being a mother made her more suitable for the job than Mrs May, who does not have children. In truth, kids or no kids, she’s just as incompetent as may, which seems to be a trend for the new cabinet.


Staying put

Boris Johnson – Foreign Secretary











Boris will stay put as Foreign Secretary. He was given the job after Mrs May became Prime Minister last summer. Clearly Mrs. May doesn’t feel he has p**sed off enough of the other countries on this planet yet and he still has a job to finish.

The Old Etonian dipstick with the looks of an alpaca is either in the position for dropping out of the race against Mrs. May, either that or she is prescribing to the old adage of “keep your enemies closer”.


Philip Hammond – Chancellor of the Exchequer

The Chancellor kept his job and will stay in No 11 after previously being tipped for demotion. Another example of failing upwards.

He has clashed with Mrs May over decisions about Budgets and the government’s strategy on Brexit.


Amber Rudd – Home Secretary

Ms Rudd is staying put at the Home Office – after only just clinging on to her seat by a slim 300-vote margin. It’s a real shame…..that 300 extra voters didn’t turn up to make sure she wasn’t returned to the position. She will be the one bringing the new big brother powers to bear!

The Home Secretary faced controversy during the election campaign as questions were asked about police cuts in the wake of the Manchester Arena and London Bridge terror attacks.


Jeremy C*nt – Health Secretary

There is nothing to say apart from – I support the NHS workers and I hope they put this smarmy little git in his place.

David Davis – Brexit Secretary

The Brexit Secretary is going nowhere which is ironic, because after Brexit thats pretty much going to be the norm for the UK economy.


Michael Fallon – Defence Secretary

Mr Fallon being interviewed by ITV’s Robert Peston (Photo: ITV)

As someone who lives very close to Rosyth Naval base which is about to close because of him, along with the issues surrounding ship building, I think I can safely say we all wish him an extremely unconfortable term.


Greg Clark – Business Secretary

The Cambridge-educated economist has previously served as Financial Secretary to the Treasury and Communities and Local Government Secretary.

He was involved in negotiating devolution packages to areas including Birmingham, Liverpool and Manchester.

He was made Business Secretary by Mrs May last July.

He is actually someone in the cabinet that has some experience of the bloody job he has been appointed to do. We shall see what comes next.


Liam Fox – International Trade Secretary


Justine Greening – Education Secretary and Women and Equalities Minister

Sajid Javid – Communities and Local Government Secretary


Alun Cairns – Secretary of State for Wales


Gavin Williamson – Chief Whip

Chris Grayling – Transport Secretary


Priti Patel – International Development Secretary



James Brokenshire – Northern Ireland Secretary

Karen Bradley – Culture Secretary


Baroness Evans – Leader of the House of Lords

Patrick McLoughlin – Conservative Party chairman and Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster

Transport Secretary Patrick Mcloughlin


David Mundell AKA Fluffy – Secretary of State for Scotland

Jeremy Wright – Attorney General

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